If I could stand in front of 8 billion people, who could hear and understand me, this is what I would say:
“Hello, people of the world. I want to be an author of note. I want to be able to tell people I wrote a book, and that it’s well received. The only issue is that I’m not willing to put in the work. Which could still work out, because I think if only a small fraction of you contributed a trivial portion to this book, it would be done in no time, and the cover could say something cool, like ‘Author, 8billionbook, and you.’ Sounds cool, right? Draws you in, doesn’t it? Due to the broad nature of the responses, asking literally everyone what they think, it needs to be answers for only the broadest possible question, but still possibly sounding profound, like ‘If you could stand in front of 8 billion people, what would you say?’ Got a winner there, definitely.
So yeah, now no matter what I get back I’m in a guaranteed place to be able to frame it. Maybe it’s got something to say sociologically. Maybe about how we speak to groups. Maybe it has something to say about cultures, about how different ethnicities approach the question in a different way. Maybe I can think of a different way to frame it entirely given the responses themselves.
But most of all, there’s just no way that this book can ever be criticized in any meaningful way, because if it ever was, I can always respond with the insinuation that the criticism isn’t towards me, but against everyone in the world, and no one thinks a person’s opinion is worth anything if they seem to dislike everyone in the world.
For this same reason, I can also imply that this book has a type of completeness that no other work has, and gives voice to persons who would have never been given the chance otherwise. Plus, if it goes well, I can perhaps do multiple volumes, it’s the strategy that never fails. Imagine all the people that would buy the book, many just once, but others every single volume, in the desperate but fleeting hope that their contribution will have been accepted and then published? Even if it were even 100,00 people out of 8 billion, the book would still be an incredible success in comparison. So what do you think, will you help me out? Submissions will be accepted immediately, reply at your convenience, and tell your friends, and share on your social media pages, really help get the word out for free to make sure that you and yours are represented!”
Yep, that’s what I’d say alright, what do you think? What would you go with?